Male Anatomy

KATRINA: I wish the guying checking me out across the library knew I was reading about the prostate right now. I think he'd stop trying to catch my eye.

STEPHEN: Maybe you should throw a prostate in his eye.

KATRINA: I'm not sure how to do that. Sounds messy.

STEPHEN: Sometimes in life you don't know you can do something until you actually try. Go for it!

KATRINA: Where do I get a prostate???

STEPHEN: Craigslist.

DAYS PASS...

KATRINA: Did you know the testes were the main sex organ? They are more important than the penis. Also. The name of the muscle that descends the testes is called the gubernaculum.

STEPHEN: Good. That reminds me. Did you throw that prostate in that guy's eye?

KATRINA: Craigslist was sold out.

DEAR CRAIGSLIST: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Are you mad?!

Once upon a time we completed a mad lib on a subway ride. It went something like this:

DRIVING IN THE CAR Last summer for a vacation, my dad drove us to (the) hell
A PLACE. Our car is a/an 3.5 BC
YEAR sedan with 13
NUMBER doors and a/an hairy and ballsac like
ADJECTIVE motor. We started out at sunrise. My mom and dad spent all night laughing
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' the house and frolicking
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' the car so we could get an early start. My dad took his golf camels
PLURAL NOUN and my mom took her tennis lesbian librarian
NOUN. I took my dog, Jesus
PERSON IN ROOM. The dog and I and my little wet
ADJECTIVE sister sat in the back. My dad was the driver, and as he came out of the driveway he ran into a/an apple
NOUN and dented a/an sexy rainboots
NOUN. My mom said, “Why don’t you pay attention and watch where you are giddy upping
VERB ENDING IN 'ING'?” After 364
NUMBER hours, we stopped to paint
VERB at a minestrone
NOUN. The minestrone
SAME NOUN was horrible, and this got my dad skipping
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' again. After driving loopily
ADVERB in this manner for two days, we finally arrived here and have been having a really drunkenly
ADJECTIVE time.

Once upon a time...

We were barely of legal drinking age and seniors in college.

I'm pretty sure in the day captured in this photo, you had a hickie and popped your collar on one side to hide it.
Nobody suspected a thing!

Five years later, I just realized I didn't look fat in this picture.
In fact, I look like I am defying gravity.  How did I bend my body that way??

Side note: I purchased those sunglasses in Rome.
 

I'm so glad our engagement was short and I pretended to marry you on social networking sites as soon as you asked.

Love always,

Kat

Boifriend

Stephen told me this weekend that he wants a boyfriend who looks like my girlfriend.

Here she is in all her tomboi glory, not wanting me to photograph how gorgeous she is every second of the day.

Love always,
Katrina

Maybe I am a lesbian.

Text conversation from 4 days ago. My blogging skills are slow.

Stephen: So. Maybe I'm on a date. And maybe my date just fell in love with the Blockheads hostess more than me. 

Katrina: Uh oh. Blockhead dates never work.

Stephen: F#(%. But I love Blockheads.

Katrina: Dates are different. I guess.

Stephen: Ugh. No wonder I have no boyfriend.

Katrina: Maybe you are a lesbian.

Fan Mail

Stephen recently received his most bizarre fan mail yet.  We need to talk about it.

Subject: zlatko by croatia ....send me .....some photos+autograph....on my home adr ...on memory ...please yo

hay dear friend ... stephen ....how are you ..
i am zlatko by croatia ...yoiur big fan ..
i want be your friend .in fb ..

you look very, very beautiful ...

please you ..ADD me as friend in fb ...ok!!!!!


i am zlatko by croatia...
i have 26 year old ..189-74....browen hair ok boy ...
i live alone with my mother ..my father is dead ..i have not job ..

i love in my life ..movies, dance, fashion, music, art, style , etc ..
and ...eurovision song contest ...

how goes your life, job, love etc !!!
do you ever be in croatia !!!!

you look very beautiful and sexy and you are great artist ...
i give you the best my compliments ..

...please you sweet... stephen ....send me .. ...your some photos+autograph..... ...on my home adr ....on memory on you....ok..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will be very, very happy on your nice kidnesses and your gifts ..

MY HOME ADR ..

ZLATKO PATACKO
SEVEROVACKA 2
48350 DURDEVAC
CROATIA

my cell..[omitted]

send your family and you lot lot hot nice greetings from beautiful country ...your new friend ..zlatko by croatia . ...

Katrina says: I looked this guy up and he has about 8 facebook pages.  (He loves Abba and Forest Gump on every single page.)  Then someone cleverly made a fan base page for him which states that he sends a lot of people private messages, requesting photos and autographs.  I'm tempted to call the phone number Stephen has just to see who will answer. I'm also tempted to offer teach him English.

Maybe... it cans help... graduate hot hot nice lot school.... of the applications....

Hey Stephen, remember that time that your phone accidentally called me while you were driving and singing Abba at the top of your lungs? I creepily sat at my desk, listening to you sing for a few minutes before I hung up. You were embarrassed when you found out.


Stephen says:
An open letter to Zlatco Patacko: God bless you Zlatco Patacko. Your enthusiasm and compliments do not go unnoticed, as your level of devotion reminds me of a fan from college who wrote poems about me and published them in the school newspaper. Please do continue to set up multiple facebook accounts in your pursuit of more autographs and photos and gifts, with that many facebooks, who needs a job anyways?!? Say hi to your Mom for me, if I ever be in Croatia I will give you both a visit at your adr and kindnesses and gifts. Best of luck to you in your life, job, love, etc.!!!!!!!!!

An open letter to Katrina: The ABBA incident made me forever stop listening to that damn Mamma Mia Original Cast Recording and now when I start to sing it in the shower, I stop and remind myself that I have straight boy roommates who think I'm gay enough as I am, and they may not be as forgiving as my darling wife.

Text Conversation of the Day

Stephen: Maybe I should get a fish to fill part of the neediness void. For when my wife is not near her phone to text.

Katrina: Fish can't text, my darling.

Stephen: Oh fuck. What can they do?

Katrina: Swim.

Stephen: That's why I want a puppy instead.

Katrina: I think we should start a blog together.

Stephen: Please please please. We can talk about how I looked like a lesbian 4 years ago and have the photos to prove it.