Dear darling facebook husband....

Remember that time you wore diamond earrings? 

They reflected light onto your face like lasers!

circa 2005

I don't miss them.

circa 2009

"The only thing in life that stays is change..."

As in our hair.

EX MAS

"Merry Christmas, bitch!"

Kat hates Christmas.  Stephen loves it. This nauseates Kat.

For a happy medium, Stephen visited Asheville over the holiday

and brought lots of wine.

Kat turned into a magical craft fairy, pulling out loads of glitter and gold.

See that thing on the couch with a chord?
It's an embossing tool.

It makes ink shiny.

And so it was...
Kat helped Stephen make personalized cards for his family.
Stephen drew pictures. Kat followed closely behind with embossing powder.
Stephen followed closely behind in refilling Kat's wine glass.
And then they joyfully heated the powder stuck to the ink with the special tool.

Kat's favorite card:

Conversation following the making of the above card:

Kat: Did you just make North America in the shape of the United States?
Stephen: Ummmmm....
Kat: You do realize there are other countries in North America?
Stephen: I-I-I didn't have a map to look at.
Kat: (pointing) Stephen there is a fucking globe in my living room!
Stephen: Wow! South America is real big!

The end.

Male Anatomy

KATRINA: I wish the guying checking me out across the library knew I was reading about the prostate right now. I think he'd stop trying to catch my eye.

STEPHEN: Maybe you should throw a prostate in his eye.

KATRINA: I'm not sure how to do that. Sounds messy.

STEPHEN: Sometimes in life you don't know you can do something until you actually try. Go for it!

KATRINA: Where do I get a prostate???

STEPHEN: Craigslist.

DAYS PASS...

KATRINA: Did you know the testes were the main sex organ? They are more important than the penis. Also. The name of the muscle that descends the testes is called the gubernaculum.

STEPHEN: Good. That reminds me. Did you throw that prostate in that guy's eye?

KATRINA: Craigslist was sold out.

DEAR CRAIGSLIST: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Are you mad?!

Once upon a time we completed a mad lib on a subway ride. It went something like this:

DRIVING IN THE CAR Last summer for a vacation, my dad drove us to (the) hell
A PLACE. Our car is a/an 3.5 BC
YEAR sedan with 13
NUMBER doors and a/an hairy and ballsac like
ADJECTIVE motor. We started out at sunrise. My mom and dad spent all night laughing
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' the house and frolicking
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' the car so we could get an early start. My dad took his golf camels
PLURAL NOUN and my mom took her tennis lesbian librarian
NOUN. I took my dog, Jesus
PERSON IN ROOM. The dog and I and my little wet
ADJECTIVE sister sat in the back. My dad was the driver, and as he came out of the driveway he ran into a/an apple
NOUN and dented a/an sexy rainboots
NOUN. My mom said, “Why don’t you pay attention and watch where you are giddy upping
VERB ENDING IN 'ING'?” After 364
NUMBER hours, we stopped to paint
VERB at a minestrone
NOUN. The minestrone
SAME NOUN was horrible, and this got my dad skipping
VERB ENDING IN 'ING' again. After driving loopily
ADVERB in this manner for two days, we finally arrived here and have been having a really drunkenly
ADJECTIVE time.

Once upon a time...

We were barely of legal drinking age and seniors in college.

I'm pretty sure in the day captured in this photo, you had a hickie and popped your collar on one side to hide it.
Nobody suspected a thing!

Five years later, I just realized I didn't look fat in this picture.
In fact, I look like I am defying gravity.  How did I bend my body that way??

Side note: I purchased those sunglasses in Rome.
 

I'm so glad our engagement was short and I pretended to marry you on social networking sites as soon as you asked.

Love always,

Kat

Boifriend

Stephen told me this weekend that he wants a boyfriend who looks like my girlfriend.

Here she is in all her tomboi glory, not wanting me to photograph how gorgeous she is every second of the day.

Love always,
Katrina

Maybe I am a lesbian.

Text conversation from 4 days ago. My blogging skills are slow.

Stephen: So. Maybe I'm on a date. And maybe my date just fell in love with the Blockheads hostess more than me. 

Katrina: Uh oh. Blockhead dates never work.

Stephen: F#(%. But I love Blockheads.

Katrina: Dates are different. I guess.

Stephen: Ugh. No wonder I have no boyfriend.

Katrina: Maybe you are a lesbian.