Katmas

It happened again.  

Stephen traveled south for the holidays and managed to force Katrina to celebrate.

This time he insisted that she simply stop by his family's house 

on the evening of the birth of the Lord and Savior.

It would be after nightfall, so what could it hurt? 

Nothing festive happens Christmas evening, right???

  Wrong. 

He failed to mention that AT THE EXACT SAME TIME she would walk through the door,

his flock of siblings would also arrive from across the country to

eat Christmas dinner,

open stockings,

pass out presents,

and play with the kids.

Who waits until 8p.m. to celebrate Christmas?!!?

This guy. 

 Stephen made drinks in the family's traditional holiday stemware.

Thank sweet baby Jesus for gin.

 

Then they helped his sisters stuff stockings...

He put this pin in his own stocking and acted excited a few minutes later when he found it there.

 It was decided that gifts under the tree would be opened after dinner.

But Big Gay Uncle Stephen couldn't wait for his niece to open her
very special gift from him

so he brought it to her at the dinner table:

 a feather boa.

shocking.

 Then dinner happened.

A very buttery, meaty, cheesy dinner.  

Katrina is vegan. 

So she sat in the living room eating dark chocolate, 

 hanging out with a doll that resembled her ex girlfriend

and/or Justin Bieber...

and also with this dog, to whom she was very allergic.

Stephen's mom didn't have any antihistamines in the house.

  Once everyone was full of animal flesh and bi-products 

and Katrina was struggling to breathe,

the real fun began...

PRESENTS!

Katrina was sitting nearest the tree, 

so by the miracle of the Christmas spirit,

she was gifted the honorable job of 

passing out presents

FOR 11 PEOPLE! 

YAY!!!

 By the end of the night, she was wedged between the recliner and the tree, 

as Stephen's nephew waited impatiently for her to tunnel through boxes

to find more with his name on them.

The moral of the story:

Marry into a Jewish family.

Halloween 2011

Stephen: It worries me that my Disney princess Halloween habits will end me up dehusbanded.

Katrina: What does this mean? I will divorce you for succumbing to male hegemonic patriarchy?

Stephen: It means I worry you will hate me for dressing like a girl one day out of the year.

Katrina: Meh. Maybe if you did it every weekend and you borrowed my best shoes.

What happened in our childhood to make us dress like this?  

. . .

Shouldn't someone have taught us not to grow up to become so stereotypical????

Katrina is a genius!

Katrina: "I made a 100 on my neuroscience test."

Stephen: "Amazing. I found a $100 bill in the middle of the road while biking. Also amazing."

Katrina: "Quit outdoing me!"

Stephen: "It's apples to oranges, babe :-) Congrats on being a GENIUS at NEUROSCIENCE in GRADUATE SCHOOL. I'm just a dumbfuck with two eyes who spotted money on the street before someone else did."

Success

It's been a while since we have posted, but it's because we've both been working really hard to reach our dreams.

No, seriously.

In the romance department, Stephen just told me that he wishes he also had "an adorable better half."

Katrina:  You saying she's better than me?

Stephen: That's just an idiomatic expression. ;)  We all know God has made of one blood all peoples of the earth.

This is funny because:

This is the motto of our alma mater.  It's from the Bible, Acts 17:26.  And it is shoved down every student's throat until they can recite it at will. It is also printed on this really ugly fountain by our campus cafeteria.

Katrina: This made me laugh. I love you. And all people of the earth.

Stephen: I love you too.  Let's have amazing careers and then go be graduation speakers at B. College.*

FUTURE COMMENCEMENT SPEAKERS

8/2011

I think I'll start my speech talking about the importance of exfoliating, followed by the impact one person's altruistic lifestyle can truly make on the world, remind the graduates and their families to recycle, then close with the best way to make biscuits from scratch, but also remind them once again to exfoliate.

Love,
Kat

*I don't want to write the full name of our college and have people access our blog when they google it. Because that is terrifying.

Guest Blogger

Performance anxiety happens all the time, except in the bedroom. That's what she said. In the walls of our new bedroom resides House Gnome(s).  I am not sure how many. Maybe one or maybe a colony; maybe it was date night.  I don't know.  The House Gnomes have messenger birds.  That is how they communicate with the House Gnomes of other houses (since they are not allowed to leave their house due to regulatory standards).  Currently, they do not have names as I am unsure of how many there are and of their gender, but I will be sure to update you when that information is available.  One thing is for certain, they like to make noise, eat (hopefully bugs) and dance to ABBA. (I made that last bit up, but if you ask me it makes them way more likeable.)  All in all, Charleston has so far been a great experience- House Gnomes and free shots at the bar. The other stuff, well that's for another day.

Dear darling facebook husband....

Remember that time you wore diamond earrings? 

They reflected light onto your face like lasers!

circa 2005

I don't miss them.

circa 2009

"The only thing in life that stays is change..."

As in our hair.

EX MAS

"Merry Christmas, bitch!"

Kat hates Christmas.  Stephen loves it. This nauseates Kat.

For a happy medium, Stephen visited Asheville over the holiday

and brought lots of wine.

Kat turned into a magical craft fairy, pulling out loads of glitter and gold.

See that thing on the couch with a chord?
It's an embossing tool.

It makes ink shiny.

And so it was...
Kat helped Stephen make personalized cards for his family.
Stephen drew pictures. Kat followed closely behind with embossing powder.
Stephen followed closely behind in refilling Kat's wine glass.
And then they joyfully heated the powder stuck to the ink with the special tool.

Kat's favorite card:

Conversation following the making of the above card:

Kat: Did you just make North America in the shape of the United States?
Stephen: Ummmmm....
Kat: You do realize there are other countries in North America?
Stephen: I-I-I didn't have a map to look at.
Kat: (pointing) Stephen there is a fucking globe in my living room!
Stephen: Wow! South America is real big!

The end.